A moment of change

Life is a journey that always unfolds something new. As if the swiftness of time passes by me, experiences bring about so much change that makes reason stare at times.
Being out in nature in the Northwest, I glance around within the wind blowing through the trees. Many times, I’ve found myself watching the clouds roll by like flocks of birds in the far distance passing by. Oh what a sight!
The rains come swiftly upon my window pane. Wind blows like scattered rain clouds, here and there in a swirl.
What joy, what fun, what play could show up? What else is possible?
The swiftness of time will tell, what comes about when its time. So for now, I shall go with the flow and embrace all of life, moment by moment.

Decision: At The Cross Roads

Changing my name was one of the most important decisions I have made in my life.

       How could I have known a chance encounter with a friend would change my life forever? My friend Alexi (from years ago), surprised me when she announced her decision to change her name. There was a spark in her eyes and I noticed a new air of confidence that ignited my curiosity. This was especially meaningful because, here I was, considering changing my name again!
Before we parted, she suggested that I contact the Society of Kabalarians, who are experts in understanding the relationships of mathematics to language and how our names create our patterns of thinking, as well as the types of people and events that we likely attract. At first, I kind of shrugged it off; I was skeptical.
Then, after some time, I began thinking about the choices I’d made for my name, and I vividly recalled one experience that has led up toward making a decision about changing my name. I was a member of a community choir, and one night during rehearsal, we sang a song that included the words, “Sing your name!” The choir director spontaneously suggested, “Wouldn’t it be great if everyone got to sing his or her name?” This comment deeply resonated inside me because I’d never thought about what a big difference there is between saying your name as compared to singing your name. And while this thought was rolling around in my head, the choir director chose three people to sing her or his name. These individuals were glowing with pride as they sang their name. I was glad that she didn’t choose me. At the time, I was feeling uncomfortable about my name which is why I was in the process of deciding upon a new one.
Later that night, I went home and thought about all the names I’ve used. I’ve changed my name three times! Yet, I still didn’t fully and completely relate to any of the ones I had or chose. I asked myself, “What name would feel ‘just right’ if I were to sing that name to myself before I went to sleep at night?” At that moment, I intuitively understood that I could only live with a name that would give me a sense of contentment, especially when I was singing it. This realization brought tears to my eyes.
Prior to this experience, my mind kept going back and forth, trying to answer the question, “What’s in a name?” Little did I realize that, sometime later, my mind would also be stimulated by other people’s thoughts about my choosing a new name. Several people had already commented – something to the effect of, “Your original name is just as beautiful as any other you might choose.” I had mixed feelings when I heard this kind of comment because, most of the time, I felt like my original name never really suited me; nor did it matched-up with my true inner nature. Sometimes, the whole thing seemed to weight heavy on me, and I just wanted to forget all about this “name-changing stuff” and the internal struggles I was experiencing because of it.
That night, as I was trying to figure out what name I could comfortably go to bed singing, I felt an impulse to contact the Society of Kabalarians, those name-balancing experts. Something was pushing me to overcome my past skepticism.
I felt that I might get some measure of relief if I contacted the Society of Kabalarians as they should understand my concerns, especially with my previous unsuccessful past name changes. I anticipated it might prove to be a profound experience to have a Kabalarian consultant, who has never met me, be able to describe my thinking patterns based upon their principle that links language and mathematics through the name. I was already aware that none of us thinks without language, so I was totally intrigued by the Kabalarians’ claim to be able to accurately describe how mathematics is linked to letter and how both mathematics and language influences us. The Kabalarians believe there is measurable logic to letters that make-up a name, and that every name has its own particular energy vibration, its own harmony – like notes in a musical scale.
These thoughts caused me to become even more curious about “What’s in a name,” and how the letters in my name influence my patterns of thinking; so, I contacted the Society of Kabalarians and ordered a Name Report (NR). The NR defined how my first and last names have influenced and molded my personality in relationship to my birth path and, in fact, my entire life! Could this be true? I was overwhelmed! Nevertheless, I persevered; I made up my mind and ordered a list of recommended names that would be personally suited to my inner nature. Some part of me was playing “private investigator,” and that part of me wanted to prove something, regardless of my skepticism and regardless of what I did or didn’t understand.
I decided to take the opportunity to play-around with this list of names and see how I felt about the different mind-set that each name would bring about, a mindset that would be different from what I’ve ever considered before. It would be like trying on several outfits at a clothing store in order to see what feels right. When it came time for a final decision on which name to choose, I thought it might be useful, as part of my decision-making process, to have some supportive friends share their impressions about the names I was considering.
At the same time, I was also reflecting on my experiences. Thoughts about various names were constantly running through my mind; “This one fits, in some way,” or “No way!” My mind was continuously trying to find a name that was comfortable and harmonious.
Interestingly enough, though, as soon as I started thinking about and trying-on various names, I received a phone call, out-of-the-blue, from my father – as if he knew something was up, yet didn’t really know for sure. We talked about a whole bunch of things, but finally, at the end of our short conversation, I broke the news to him that I was planning to change my name toward one that I felt better suited me. He couldn’t fully understand why I was changing my name, all he could say was ” It doesn’t really matter. You’re still the same person.” I give him credit for recognizing that I am, still, who I am. But I think he’s willing to accept that I’m becoming a new person.
Finally, after all my mind-thrashing and taking input from my true and dear friends, I legally changed my name. This time, I’d chosen a more mathematically balanced name that harmonizes with my inner nature; and, this time I could feel a definite change in my inner-being. I had a surreal feeling; a sensation running through my body as if I’d had an energy “face-lift.” Over a very short period of time, I was able to notice how my thought patterns seemed to alter the outcomes of my experiences. There were even noticeable changes in my health, my mental stability, and less intensity of challenges, overall. Anything I set out to do towards mental, emotional, physical wellness, speeded up more freely.
It is a relief to feel so much more at home in my skin. Life didn’t seem to be so much of a struggle as it used to be. I began to recognize that when I had been going back and forth between names, it was creating more confusion, as opposed to sticking with one name.
And here’s how I finally decided upon a name after great deal of contemplations: It came in a dream, like magic! I was dreaming of a friend. My friend was walking, saying hello, and calling me by the name, Callie. In the dream, and even afterward, when I heard that name being spoken, I felt a surge of joy welling-up in my spirit, and the joy became effervescent laughter. Even before this dream experience, every time I’d practiced using the name, Callie, I would laugh inside, like it was a really funny joke! Joke or not, the name gave me joy! After the dream, I could no longer deny that the name, Callie was a truly special match.
Ever since I made this important decision, I’ve continued to reap benefits and success in all I have set to accomplish: Progress in personal growth. Things have come my way naturally without struggles of the past in progressive ways in one way or another. It’s easier to maintain staying healthy, having mastery of health. My ability with speech and communication has dramatically improved as well.
What a treasure it is to be called by my name “Callie”.